The letter to my sister in law is going out today. Although I stared at a blank page for a long time, it was actually a bit easier than I thought it would be once I started.
I think I came up with a good stategy about this. I purposely waited until I was in the hopeful stage of this cycle, not during the time that I was crying my eyes out over a BFN. I let out all the bad thoughts via the safety of my blog in the ALI community. (Which again THANK YOU lovely bloggie people for feedback!) I stopped trying to figure out a way to explain all of the hardships I have to endure. I gave myself a goal as to when to have it completed and mailed by. And the letter itself is 75% all about her. Not in a bad way. I spent a lot of time talking about how hard some of her circumstances are and how isolated she may feel. Being 2400 miles away from family, her husband's family not really making this pregnancy a big deal, etc. I apologized for not being there for her as a friend through every milestone. And I ended with this,
You deserve loving attention by all your family including your in-laws (on both sides). You deserve to expand your family and raise a beautiful baby girl. You deserve to be doted on by everyone you know. You deserve to share every exciting detail with all. You deserve people to make this a big deal. You deserve to be a mother. You deserve to make your parents grandparents. I really do feel this way. I wish I had the ability to show you I feel this way besides just words on paper.
The other thing I did, was I'm having Marvy send his mother and sister an article from RESOLVE titled, "Coping with Infertility: How Family and Friends Can Help". It's not an article of Do's and Don'ts, it describes the eight types of loss those suffering from infertility face, and then ends with some simple things to do or at least think about. It's a great article. You're welcome to check it out yourself. I stated in the letter that it was Marvy's idea to share it with her because he thought it gave some insight as to what our life is like right now. And that I hope she finds it informative, and helpful in the manner in which it is intended, not a request for action.
So, there ya go. I think I just earned that Liv 3.0 status I talked about earlier this year. I feel like a big girl now.
I'm proud of you! For sending the letter and making it to Liv 3.0 and it's only March. Smooth sailing from here on out :)
ReplyDeleteWhat a challenge for you to have to write that letter. I am sure you wanted to just explain to her all of the hard things you are going through but what a considerate thing to do to try and be empathetic toward her needs. I am sure she will appreciate it so much. Good job!
ReplyDeleteLiv - I am also so proud of you!! That was a tough thing to write I am sure so kuddos to you! I hope that this cycle is it for you and cant wait to hear the results - Im pulling for you girl!
ReplyDeleteThat last line of the letter was absolutely perfect. Congratulations on getting it off your chest and explaining it to her.
ReplyDeleteWhat a thoughtful thing to do. It sounds like exactly the right solution for this situation. That took guts. I'm impressed.
ReplyDeleteI'm just popping in from the lushary. I admire your strength and ability to be so well-written - something I was unable to do when faced with a similar situation. Well done.
ReplyDeleteHere from the lushary, too - wow, I'm impressed! Gutsy, smart, and caring. Well done! Thanks for posting the RESOLVE letter too, it's really good.
ReplyDeleteI saw your post on the lushary and I'm very impressed too. I took a look at the RESOLVE letter and wish I could have sent it to my friend before our friendship was destroyed, it might have helped. I hope it opens your SIL's eyes.
ReplyDeleteGood for you! You did a wonderful job and a wonderful thing. Liv 3.0 is a great way to explain yourself! I am so proud of you, liv.
ReplyDelete*HUGS*