New Year's in is a fun holiday for me. It feels like the whole world is celebrating new beginnings all at the same time. (Of course in their time own time zone...) But, it also happens to be my birthday. I am now officially thirty. Although instead of listing my age, from now on I think I'm going to go for Liv 3.0.Truth is the last ten years of my life have been well, mostly fabulous. I have a wonderfully caring best friend of a husband who treats me like royalty and an enviable strong marriage. I have worked for the same stable company for eight years, and have a pretty good job. We have had the opportunity to enjoy travels across various states in the US, to Canada, Central America and Europe. We have a simple four bedroom home we had built in 2001 in a growing part of the country. I don't bring up any of this to boast, but simply to show I have much to be thankful for.
With all that I have, do I even have the right to say that something's missing? Should I just be content with what I have? Am I wrong to feel like all of our lives M and I have done the right thing, and why the frack do we deserve this stupid infertility card? I am not used to this me, me, me stuff. I've always been a pretty strong and mature individual who looks to the positive. Am I allowed to throw all that out the window for this one thing and say "Screw it, my heart hurts and I feel like poop."
I recognize the fact that God will see me through all this and he knows what I can handle. Perhaps I should take it as a compliment that God in his infinite wisdom happens to consider me as someone who can take it. I just can't shake this feeling grief though. I am really praying that 2009 will manifest as my year of new beginnings. Bring on Liv 3.0.
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