I feel like I'm at heightened alert because I just heard tires screeching. Every muscle is tense. I'm trying to brace for impact. I'm stuck in this car with a driver named Hope and she's erratic, possibly drunk, and driving like a mad-person. I know some people may see this as an extremely pessimistic and negative viewpoint. I'd rather think about how I'm just being realistic. There's a good chance that tomorrow will end much like it did before. Hope, you're a bloody drunk and I don't know why I got in the car with you.
::
My MIL called on Monday night just to call and check on me. She asked to speak to me - which is a first THIS WHOLE YEAR! We haven't talked much (minus the m/c scare of my SIL 1/3) since Christmas. Well, we chatted mostly about infertility for an hour and a half. It was all because of this RESOLVE article I sent her. She said it took her two days to read it but she thought it was absolutely fantastic. She said she learned a lot from it, and mostly she wants me to know that even though she can't relate because she's never been there, she wants to be there for me.
Marvy at one point spoke up (we were on speakerphone) and gave a good analogy of my emotional state and where he is in all of this. This is what he said,
"I see Liv in this giant hole in the ground with walls that have no footholds. I am at the top looking down, but unable to offer a proper rope or ladder - as they all fall too short. Instead all I can do is stick around and offer an encouraging word. But, then other women end up getting dumped into this hole too, and I see them putting her on their shoulders to help her out. Eventually, one day she will make it as enough people push her up and I will be there to grab her."
Pretty sweet huh?
Please let my temp stay up. Hope, please take it easy I me...I don't want to crash again.
Wow...your hubby is great with words! It is so true, only we can understand what we're going through and help other rise up out of this sucktastic hole! I hope we're all strong enough to push you out of this hole tonight!! ((HUGS))
ReplyDeleteI have husband AND mother-in-law envy. You were so smart to share that article with her, and I'm so impressed and happy for you that it was received with such compassion. I'm hoping the best for you this cycle--this stuff is so hard.
ReplyDeletePS--I absolutely loved your observation on my blog about the three squares on the box appearing to be the windows on a house that will always be open. Such a perfect thought given that my heart will always be open to my boys. Thank you.
ReplyDelete*chanting* temp stay up! temp stay up! Good work, Marvy! That's a great analogy. You're a very good husband. I'm glad the article worked and you have more support. You can never have enough of THAT!
ReplyDelete*HUGS*
What a good analogy from your hubby.
ReplyDeleteHrm. Hope. She sure gets you. Every single month she gets you. I'm glad you are charting though. I think seeing your cycyles in this form really helps to see what is going on. Wishing you all the luck!
Let's Hope doesn't crash and burn.
ReplyDeleteSounds like your mother in law is being really understanding, always a plus!
ICLW
Your hubby is soo fantastic!!!! I am so hoping that it jumps back up tomorrow!!! Ill say a prayer for you my sweet!!!
ReplyDeleteTechnical question - how did you get your chart on here? Did you scan it or take a picture of it and download it?
your husband has an awesome way with words. I wanted to say thanks for linking that article a few days ago, I've sent it to a few people and to a friend who's also having IF issues and real problems with her family, it really helped.
ReplyDeleteI'm sening positive thoughts for your cycle and wishing you the very best of luck
That was such a great idea to share the article with your MIL. I am currently doing that with some relatives, at this point! A little late, but oh well! :)
ReplyDeleteI was teary at your husband's words. It is so hard to hear IF from the perspective of the husband, what they see us going through and how they feel. I really am glad you shared it.
Hoping that your Hope sticks around.
Hugs,
Carrie
ICLW
Thats a great analogy. He really is Mr. Marvelous isnt he? Well I have to say I just cant stand the thought of you crashing into a wall again. I want to see this IUI succeed sooo much for you. I know that feeling of being scared to wish and hope. Its a horrible feeling. Your chart is crazy similar to the last one. I bet tomorrow is when it will change.Instead of going down that sucker is going up up and away!!
ReplyDeleteI'm so goofy! As I am reading the beginning of this post I am thinking literally! I had a roommate named Hope in college and she was a pathetic drunk (well pot head actually). I was thinking... "maybe it's the same Hope... Why would she be in the car with her? Oh wait... it's a metaphor... I'm an idiot!"
ReplyDeleteLove the Metaphor BTW! Insightful man you have there!