So Aparently Third Time Can be a Charm & 2nd Beta

A few months back I really struggled with the prospect of another IUI instead of going straight to IVF. But, this decision making chart and writing out this blog post really seemed to help. I learned that by going with a third IUI with injectibles, my odds were between 30-40%. Sure IVF is better, but this was not shabby. Worth giving it a shot with the lesser risk. And at least no matter what happens at least I know that this did work for me.

I say this to give hope not just to me for the future but any one of the thousands of people who have had to walk a mile in these shoes.

My second beta came back so good that they felt there was no need for a third.

Can we all just give this a little hip-hip-hooray? The ultrasound is scheduled for July 3rd. I'll be 6w1d.

And I've all of a sudden become very blog shy. It has taken me yesterday and today just to post my updates. I've been so worried that one might be considering me a gloat.

Infertility is a sorority of sorts that is most painful. It's painful to see others go through such heartbreak and tragedy. I have cried over strangers whom I've never met. But, their story touched me so and I felt as though I have known them for years. I've connected with people that I now wonder if I could ever cope without their friendship. Some of these connections are just as strong or stronger than the ones I have with friends I see in real life.

It's painful to see the person in the same boat cycle after cycle end up right back where we started. We become so invested in these lives of others. I've become so invested in the lives of those in this community. It sounds so trite to say that I feel their pain. But, I do. I do because I've shared it. For eight years I've shared it.

Then when a miracle happens there's even more pain. This time it's an odd mix of happiness, hopefulness, and sadness. Happy that they have finally reached their dream, hopefull that you may not be that far behind and sadness of a reminder that you're not there yet. I've been there. I have followed ladies who get their miracle and I am elated. At the same time I get a little more sad. The positive HPT's, the sonogram photos, the nursery preparation, etc. I just want anyone who feels this way to know that no matter what, I support you. I used to take our mental health for granted and never gave it much thought to have to stamp "Fragile" across it. But, now I understand. If I don't see you for a while, I'll understand. Hopefully one day soon you'll be here to and you'll remember to knock on my bloghouse door and come in for a visit.

Meanwhile, if you are sticking around. God bless you. I need all the help I can get.

Before I started my blog, I read tons of others. Many of them were before I found the Stirrup Queens blogroll so by the time I got to them they had long since been abandoned. It was kind of sad. Like walking into a home with no residents yet evidence of them once living there. I was able to read the walls and learn more about what I may be going through. A map of sorts revealed. And then when I saw that they finally reached the 'X' that marked the spot on this map, their existence vanished. And I hated this.

So, I'm going to try my best to be respectful of the ones that I have inexplicably become separated by a transfer to a boat off the island. I plan on keeping photos off the blog with links. So, for those that want to view them you can but you won't have google reader mini bombs that give you a heart attack. Yet at the same time I want to keep blazing that map for the benefit of anyone who finds me. I also want to document everything for my own benefit and those of my future children. Which may mean I loose people.

Nishkanu had a post once where she covered this topic. She described all of us infertiles being marooned on an island. And how she was able to make a raft that finally let her over the breakers, for the open ocean. Yet she can't help but look back to those on the island. And my comment to her was that I have never felt the need to leave her blog because she has been so worthwhile to continue reading. The posts were more than blurbs of progress. I felt that as she was on that raft yet still cheering us on who were on the beach and throwing out a tow line in the hopes that another makes it. Plus she left all her tools so I would make a sea worthy raft in no time.

May I be talented enough that you find this blog equally worthy.