So Aparently Third Time Can be a Charm & 2nd Beta

A few months back I really struggled with the prospect of another IUI instead of going straight to IVF. But, this decision making chart and writing out this blog post really seemed to help. I learned that by going with a third IUI with injectibles, my odds were between 30-40%. Sure IVF is better, but this was not shabby. Worth giving it a shot with the lesser risk. And at least no matter what happens at least I know that this did work for me.

I say this to give hope not just to me for the future but any one of the thousands of people who have had to walk a mile in these shoes.

My second beta came back so good that they felt there was no need for a third.

Can we all just give this a little hip-hip-hooray? The ultrasound is scheduled for July 3rd. I'll be 6w1d.

And I've all of a sudden become very blog shy. It has taken me yesterday and today just to post my updates. I've been so worried that one might be considering me a gloat.

Infertility is a sorority of sorts that is most painful. It's painful to see others go through such heartbreak and tragedy. I have cried over strangers whom I've never met. But, their story touched me so and I felt as though I have known them for years. I've connected with people that I now wonder if I could ever cope without their friendship. Some of these connections are just as strong or stronger than the ones I have with friends I see in real life.

It's painful to see the person in the same boat cycle after cycle end up right back where we started. We become so invested in these lives of others. I've become so invested in the lives of those in this community. It sounds so trite to say that I feel their pain. But, I do. I do because I've shared it. For eight years I've shared it.

Then when a miracle happens there's even more pain. This time it's an odd mix of happiness, hopefulness, and sadness. Happy that they have finally reached their dream, hopefull that you may not be that far behind and sadness of a reminder that you're not there yet. I've been there. I have followed ladies who get their miracle and I am elated. At the same time I get a little more sad. The positive HPT's, the sonogram photos, the nursery preparation, etc. I just want anyone who feels this way to know that no matter what, I support you. I used to take our mental health for granted and never gave it much thought to have to stamp "Fragile" across it. But, now I understand. If I don't see you for a while, I'll understand. Hopefully one day soon you'll be here to and you'll remember to knock on my bloghouse door and come in for a visit.

Meanwhile, if you are sticking around. God bless you. I need all the help I can get.

Before I started my blog, I read tons of others. Many of them were before I found the Stirrup Queens blogroll so by the time I got to them they had long since been abandoned. It was kind of sad. Like walking into a home with no residents yet evidence of them once living there. I was able to read the walls and learn more about what I may be going through. A map of sorts revealed. And then when I saw that they finally reached the 'X' that marked the spot on this map, their existence vanished. And I hated this.

So, I'm going to try my best to be respectful of the ones that I have inexplicably become separated by a transfer to a boat off the island. I plan on keeping photos off the blog with links. So, for those that want to view them you can but you won't have google reader mini bombs that give you a heart attack. Yet at the same time I want to keep blazing that map for the benefit of anyone who finds me. I also want to document everything for my own benefit and those of my future children. Which may mean I loose people.

Nishkanu had a post once where she covered this topic. She described all of us infertiles being marooned on an island. And how she was able to make a raft that finally let her over the breakers, for the open ocean. Yet she can't help but look back to those on the island. And my comment to her was that I have never felt the need to leave her blog because she has been so worthwhile to continue reading. The posts were more than blurbs of progress. I felt that as she was on that raft yet still cheering us on who were on the beach and throwing out a tow line in the hopes that another makes it. Plus she left all her tools so I would make a sea worthy raft in no time.

May I be talented enough that you find this blog equally worthy.

It's Nifty to Have Fifty

Still feeling shocked about our news, and just as pleasantly surprised to see an amazing 50 comments on our results.

I'm sorry to have made so many cry! But, it was nice to know that there were so many around the world that cared so much that they became just as emotional as I did. It's going to take me forever to get back to everyone one by one. But, I'm giving it a shot.

Poor Marvy. He's dying to tell someone...anyone. At least I have you guys. That's one thing that i didn't really think about. I got the immediate satisfaction of celebrating with people. He on the other hand was just willing the gal behind the counter at Wallymart to ask what all the stuff he was purchasing was for.

Wednesday was such a dream. And I have to tell you guys a few more details about the day. The RE called Marvy around noon and she immediately started out with, "It's great news!". Marvy said that she was so happy for us. Which I found very touching. You would think over the course of a career spanning decades in the field, this kind of thing would be just routine. But, she went out of her way to look out for our results and to call us herself. When I told her that morning that Marvy was in charge of telling me so she'd need to call him, she was tickled and thought it was pretty cute. I told her that I was a ball of nerves and I had so much riding on this one to work because I did not want to have to go to the other clinic on the other side of town for IVF. I told her that after speaking to the financial person, it will cost us $4000. Even the $2000 for participating in their study wouldn't make it worthwhile. If we went with the other office it would be $0 and that is just to hard to pass up. She said she completely understood.

Then when I arrive at work I get a call from a billing manager I've never spoken to before. She said that Dr. K approached her after our meeting to discuss my situation. She said that they all did not want to see me leave for another facility. If it turns out that I need IVF, then they would see to it that everything would be the same as if it was in-network. She said that they is a way to work with the insurance company to arrange for this. Something about gap insurance, especially when there is not another doctor within a particular mile range. And just to confirm with her, I asked, "What if I am within that mile radius". She said that no matter what they would figure that out. She said that I would pay $0. (This is once I've hit my out of pocket max of $4000 - which I had in like April)

Wow. Just wow. It was such a load off of my shoulders. I have loved this RE clinic so much not necessarily because of the doctors but mostly because of the supporting staff. I have had such sweet email exchanges with the scheduler and finance person. They have been doing more than supporting me with there roles, they have been supporting me as a person. Cheering me on and letting me know I was on their prayer list. Such a great, great thing. I can't be more thankful.

So, when Marvy received the news, he immediately began planning for that evening. He went to Wallymart and bought a Father's Day card, a Super Dad gift bag and he even went to the baby section and picked up baby socks and a little outfit. Then after work he went to one of the specialty grocery stores we have in this area and picked up things for our fabulous meal. He was so cute. We are not great cooks. Sadly, I don't get that much more exotic with cooking than spaghetti and italian sausage. So it was so funny for him to go pick out steaks to cook. We don't cook steak, we don't even know how to grill. (Although it's one of our goals to learn this summer) But, he told the person helping him that he had to cook a special meal that night. He asked for help with how to cook the Fillet Mignon. The rest of the items were pre-cooked or grilled and all he had to do was reheat.

And it was fabulous. Fillet Mignon with grilled asparagus, twice baked potatoes, grilled shrimp, Israeli coos coos, guacamole, cucumber salad and sparkling lemonade. Hands down the best meal I've ever had.

Thank you again to everyone for making me feel so special about this positive result. To say I don't deserve it would be to deny the last eight years of waiting, wising, crying and trying. But, to see something so great happen to me when not to others just as deserving makes me feel extremely humble.