Good Stuff, Fun Stuff & Just One Little Bummer

Good Stuff - Nursery Furniture!!!

Over the weekend we placed the order for the nursery furniture. The first major baby purchase we've made. I'm pretty excited about it and shocked that we were able to find it in our price range. I'm not quite sure why it's so hard to find a crib and dresser/changing table in the $200 to $300 each range, but dang it was nye impossible. I would fall in love with these nursery sets that would have the crib, dresser and say another piece to complete the ensemble and they were ridiculously priced. (Okay, they were nice so maybe I shouldn't say that their prices were ridiculous...they were ridiculously outside of my budget!)

Insert my Baby Bargains book to the rescue and voila we have our furniture! I found a local baby store in the book that I never heard of before and it was named a top 21 store in the nation based on their reviews. So, I checked them out and found a crib, dresser and armoire for great prices! We basically saved about $1300. The armoire alone was $600-800 off!

I know you so want to see it don't you?

Here you go!

Fun Stuff - Registries

I've been working on my registries, which of course a lot is missing until we know what this baby is. Marvy and I suspect that it's a girl, although we really have no evidence to show for it! There are great things about either gender. Marvy, his brother and one cousin are the only males of his generation. Having a son would allow for his last name to carry on a little longer. I was the oldest and I always wanted an older brother...so having a boy would mean that our other children would have the same benefit has Marvy's siblings a great older brother. Marvy loves the idea of a little me. He sees this photo below of me and he thinks it's just the cutest little baby in the whole world. So he wants one just like her he says.


I've picked a few options in the way of bedding. One for a boy and one for a girl. Check it out and let me know which version do you think will be in our nursery.
Something I realized after the fact for the girl bedding is that it's a bird theme...which matches my blog header and the mama bird analogy I've used on this blog before. Thought that was kinda neat.

Fun Stuff - Operation Preparation

I have had a few experiences that motivate how I want this pregnancy and birth to go. My cousin, (She's the one in the photo with me above!) had three of her children at home with midwives and I learned much about childbirth through her. Then when I was 18, I had the privilege of being a labor partner for a friend who's boyfriend flaked and her mom turned into a basket case. I was called in to help totally unprepared I helped her the best I could through her labor. Then I was the one in the cesarean surgery room with her when the doctors needed to preform the c-section. Wearing scrubs and holding a video camera, I was there through the whole thing. Lastly, my neighbor across the street went into the labor and was planning a home birth. Her husband was a mess, and the midwives didn't get there in time. After the fact we realized she was in active labor for only an hour. I ended up being the one to catch her son. They put me on the birth certificate with the title of "Midwife-in-Training".

So I've seen home births, midwife births, and hospital births with first hand experiences. I've decided the right fit for me is a hospital birth with a midwife. We will have the assistance of a doula. A lovely gal who strangely reminds me a lot of me. She's short, brunette with freckles. But mostly she's highly knowledgeable, patient and empathetic. I'm really looking forward to working with her. We have Bra.dley classes starting in about three weeks. The Bra.dley method includes 12 weeks of classes. Which seem kinda crazy at first, but if you think about it, it's more like entering a training program than simply "birth classes".

A book that I've read and liked it so much I'm actually reading through it again this time with Marvy is by Erica Lyon called "The Big Book of Birth". I highly recommend this book. It covers the three labor stages with great information that can help empower woman to understand what is happening and be able to advocate for their own care. Operation Preparation is in full swing!

Fun Stuff - Dinner & Dancing

Marvy and I both work for a financial institution...just in different parts of the company. Our company is hosting a black tie client event on Wednesday and the person slotted to go to this just recently had a baby and he and his wife were just not able to go. My awesome boss selected me (and by default Marvy!) to attend the event and I couldn't be more excited. I get to put on a fancy dress, Marvy gets to wear his black suit and tie and we get to go to downtown at the Rit.z Ca.rlton for this event. This may be one of the last nights like this one in a long, long, long time. I plan on taking full advantage of it. (Well, guess I have to skip the wine...shucks!) I'll post the photo afterwards!

Just One Little Bummer - Baby Shower

I don't have a lot of close family, both logistical and emotionally. My mom is in Guatemala so I only see her once a year when she comes for Christmas. I'm very close with my MIL and I'm lucky to have a great relationship with my in laws. One of her drawbacks however is a little forethought in certain things. There was a cousin who sent my MIL a wedding invitation fully intending on her to pass the invite along to the rest of us in our family to go. And when we suggested to her that we should go to, she said that we couldn't because we didn't have a personal invite. Of course after she returned from the wedding she reported that everyone wondered why we weren't there. When my SIL had her baby shower that my MIL attended (co-hosted by my other SIL) it didn't occur to her at all that maybe I should have had an invitation too. And not because of the infertility thing. She just didn't think about it. She was confused when Marvy told her that it made me sad. "Why would she go?"

Marvy and I had an idea that it would be great to have a family shower or get together of some sort with his family and the 4 people in my family who would come. We thought we could even have it after the baby was born so that way it could be more like a family reunion of sorts and everyone could meet the baby.

While I was at the baby store deciding on which organic foam mattress to select to go with our crib, he decided to step outside and talk to his mom about the shower/get together. She pretty much shot it down to pieces. She didn't think anyone would be willing to drive to her city and get a hotel for something like that. She just couldn't see it working. The thing is I know of 11 family members that would do everything in their power to go, and about a dozen more that could feasibly be there. They are in her city pretty regularly and I'm sure for something like this they would make their best effort to go. But in her mind she would never go...so she doesn't see that other's would.

It's sad because that means that the only people we can count on to do something for us are our friends and co-workers. Seems kind of wrong that we can't count on family for something like this? Don't get the wrong message here it's not a materialistic/stuff standpoint...it's more of family support aspect. I know that it could come across the wrong way. And I can't figure out how to explain it very well.

Marvy was really disappointed with his mom. He was very sweet and said that I deserved better than that. If the tables were turned I'd go out of my way to get people together. And he was going to make sure that when it came to our kids they would have a different experience than this.

Anywho...lot's of GOOD and FUN stuff to focus on until Oct. 9th when we find out what kind of frijole we're going to have!

My, Oh My, Oh My...Where Has All the Time Gone?

Forgive me Blogland for I have sinned. It has been 55 days since my last blog...

Not only have I been so absent here that cobwebs have collected, I have been absent in my support for others and for that I feel quite ashamed. A lot has happened in 55 days out there amongst my peeps. While at work in between tasks, I am reading all of your blogs and thinking of you all and praying for you too. Failed cycles, amazing pregnancy anouncements, IVF retrievals/transfers, IUI's, cycle starts and mis-starts, miscarriages, new careers, scary bleedings, twins, amnio's, hospital trips, Down's Syndrome diagnosis, gender determinations, kidney stones, sono pictures, and pregnancy milestones. It's a lot of stuff.

I feel bad that you didn't know I was there. But, I suppose the best thing for me to do is just get back on that horse.

Thank you to everyone who has been checking in, posting messages and letting me know I've been missed. Ya'll put the sun in my sunshine.

So, shall I break down whasa goin' on in the Liv & Marvy household?

I am almost 17 weeks right now, and doing amazingly, wonderfully, fantastically well. I never really had any morning sickness issues or anything along those lines. Back at the begining of the pregnancy I had the tinest bit of stomach unsettledness but nothing that G.atorade couldn't aliviate. I welcomed the start of the second trimester in the middle of August excited for what's to come. I was very proud of myself for only gaining 1 pound since the start of the pregnancy. And Sunday morning I weighed myself and was shocked to see that at 4 months along I'm only up 2 pounds from the start. For the year (after fertility meds etc) I'm up about 5 pounds. Not too shabby.

I haven't had any cravings. Which in many ways I would welcome, just to give me some direction as to what to eat. Marvy and I end up having that same conversation, "What do you want to eat? I dunno what does the pregnant person want to eat?". And I have no idea. But, all of my co-workers tell me that I am the picture of healthy eating (of course they don't see me on the weekends!) They find it very cute and continue to encourage my about-to-be-a-new-mama eating habbits.

I've had a handful of days with really bad headaches (lasting two or three days) that Ty.lenol couldn't do anything about. In desperation I turned to a (regular) cup of coffee which finally did the trick. So as far as bad pregnancy symptoms go, I just about have close to zero complaints.

Please tell me writing that out doesn't jinx myself!

A couple weeks ago I hit the consignment stores and picked up my first of my maternity wardrobe. It felt so weird. It's hard to purchase maternity clothes as 1. an infertile and 2. an infertile that doesn't look pregnant. I kept imagining some military style alarm going off - wha, wha, wha... from the moment I set foot into the store. I even bought everything without trying them on for fear of going up to the desk and getting a look of "What are you thinking?" if I asked for a dressing room. After that first experience, I came home and started trying them on and was surprised at how comfortable the pants were! Since the first experience I've collected a good start of work pieces of mostly pants since I'm still able to wear a lot of my tops and blouses I have. On my 16th week and 1 day I wore my maternity pants (jeans at that) for the first time! It was the most comfortable I had been in a few weeks.

This past Saturday I hosted a baby shower for my friend Jo who is having a girl due next month. It turned out pretty cute. I made peanut butter and jelly cupcakes that were displayed on a 4 tiered cupcake stand that I decorated with lining to match the pink and green theme. I also had a clothes line hung on the stair case with cute baby clothes hanging from clothes pins. I'll have to post some photos once I have them. I'll post more about it another time...but I'll also tell you that I totally over did it that day. After resting for about 20 minutes on the couch after I came home from the shower, I got up for something and I couldn't stand up straight! I had to hold on to everything to make it into the kitchen. I nearly resorted to crawling on my hands and knees I hurt so bad. I came to the realization that I am not 100% in control of this body free to do all the things I used to do without batting an eye.

Saturday was also the first day that my belly felt like a real pregnant belly. It's an indisputable baby bump. It's no longer soft and squishy and looking like I've been hitting the french fries and ice cream a little too often. It feels like it happened overnight. My friends exclaim, "Oh, so cute! We can see the belly now!". They rub the belly and say hello to the baby.

We have continued our Sunday night prayer time and this past weekend I realized that our weekly devotion time is now officially 1 year old. We have been praying specifically, and as a couple for this baby for one year now. Marvy told me yesterday that he prays for the baby all day long. Especially on his drive home from work. Which makes me love him even more. When he comes home he rubs the belly and says hello to the baby. In the mornings he likes to do a little "rub and shake" to the belly. (Goodness...in a different context that last line would be uh..well something to raise the color in my checks! Funny how children change your line of thinking) He'll rub the belly and then shake it ever so gently. It's pretty cute.

I am currently on "Could that be baby movement?" watch. The other night after I settled back into bed from my nightly trip to the bathroom I felt what I thought was a gas bubble...then I kept thinking about it... "Was that a poke?" Could the baby have just done a Sup.erman style move and poked me in the belly button. I have no idea. I'll get these odd feeling sweeping hunger pains and I wonder if it could be the baby...but then I eat something and it goes away so I realize, "Nope! You were just hungry!" So, obviously I can't wait until I can unquestionably feel the baby move.

I've also done a ton of research, reading and window shopping over the course of the last two months. I've started my lists. From things that need to get done before the baby comes, to nursery furniture pieces, reading books on pregnancy, labor, breastfeeding, etc., selecting registry items...to researching and selecting who will be part of my labor support team. This is a topic to expand on in another post, but I have said, "Sayonara" to my OBGYN and "Hello" to a midwife team. I have moved from the plan of laboring at the hospital 10 minutes away to laboring at a hospital about 45 minutes away. This is because of its reputation for supporting mothers with natural birth plans and because of the availability of midwives connected to that hospital. I have selected my doula, who I'm very excited to work with and I have decided on a 12 week Brad.ley class for the labor classes Marvy and I will attend. All three decisions bring good statistical data to support lower intervention necessary labors. So, I'm hoping to be on the favorable side of the statistics come late Feburary/early March.

So, there you have it my lovely bloggy peeps. The happenings of all things us for the moment. Marvy is a huge support for me to stay on top of connecting with my community...asking me every evening if I'm going to get back to blogging. I will be back with more soon I promise!

I'm an Infertile: Get Me Out of Here

Question: What is the most scary item to hit an infertile's mailbox?

Answer: The Baby Shower Invite!!!

pulls out hair and screams "NOOOOOOOOO!"

Last week I received an e.vite to attend a baby shower this Friday for an ex-coworker. (I know, I know, who the heck gives less than 8 business day notice anyways???) But, this co-worker is a very sweet person who has been laid-off since Feburary and has had a difficult time finding a job once the black dress magic was unable to truly hide the pretuding belly. She has a beautiful daughter that luckily she's been able to spend more time with now because of the lack of job situation, but it must still be nerve-wracking. Did I mention she's a lovely person?

Okay here's the dilema. One of the people attending is another ex-coworker, and EX-FRIEND. Yeah, you heard that right. I have an ex-friend. (guess I should explain this one)

Once upon a time this ex-friend or EF, and I used to be very close. She was as single gal living with her uncle and working two 40 hour a week jobs. Yet, she didn't have to. She had no debt, and lots of cash. What she did do was complain a LOT about the fact that she didn't have a boyfriend and for that matter, was never able to "meet" anybody. She never had a boyfriend and never even kissed a guy despite the fact that she was 22. Looking back now, I know that she was jealous of the relationship Marvy and I had as newlyweds. So, there were many nights that I was her personal counselor. We'd stay up till midnight many times talking about her issues. Marvy hated it. He liked her and all but he wanted his wife back too.

Then I got a position at my company that she wanted. Well, she became jealous of that too. One day, totally out of the blue when I was trying to be nice and say 'Hello' to her she tells me to "Fcuk Off". This was totally unprompted I did nothing. This combined with a bunch of other stuff that I will not go into and I had it. I cut her off. We stopped talking and if we passed by each other in the hallway neither one of us said a word.

Eventually, I cooled off enough to be cordial with her - but she remained aloof - not even returning my 'Hello's' as we passed each other in the hallway. Years later we went into different departments and rarely crossed paths. Until she dated and married a co-worker of mine. The status quo of cold-sholder remained. And truthfully I was thankful. Because this person exhausted me and never reciprocated the sacraficing support I gave her. Marvy was thrilled that the friendship was cut off because he had his wife back.

So back when we were both 22/23, I was happily married [STILL AM! Love ya Marvy] and she had never even had her first kiss. Fast forward to when we were both 28 and she marries and shortly after has a baby. Congratulations. 28 year old Liv whas still in infertility denial anyway, so it didn't matter. Fast foward two more years to now, and she's pregnant with twins! Twins!

How the hell did I get lapped by someone who never even had their first kiss by 22, THREE times over?

I think you know where I'm going with this now too. She's going to be at the baby shower. Lovely thing about e.vite ain't it? I know it's shameless to watch out for the other RSVP's before you give yours but 'eh, the benefits of the 21st century. I already signed up as a 'Yes' before she did, but I checked last week and there she was.

And now I don't know what to do. It's one thing to go to a baby shower when you know it's going to break your heart. It's quite another when you think it has the potential of being about as comfortable as a root canal sans pain meds. Plus - it's at a resturant that I don't particularlly care for where we all have to pay our own way. (Not cool right? What is up with these people and shower etiquette?) My bestfriend at work, aka my dearie friend Jo, aka foster momma to my kitties will be there. So, that's a plus. But, there will be at least as far as I know at 3 protruding bellies. Can I handle that? I have a hard enough time as it is (although I'm much better) with Jo's. And I LOVE her.

I think if I go I might have a breaking point where I exclaim,

"I'M AN INFERTILE, GET ME OUT OF HERE."

Partie Excludere

in⋅vi⋅ta⋅tion 
–noun
1. the act of inviting.
2. the written or spoken form with which a person is invited.
3. something offered as a suggestion: an invitation to consider a business merger.
4. attraction or incentive; allurement.
5. a provocation: The speech was an invitation to rebellion.

ex⋅clu⋅sion 
–noun
1. an act or instance of excluding.
2. the state of being excluded.
3. Physiology. a keeping apart; blocking of an entrance.

(definitions provided by: http://dictionary.reference.com/)

It seems to me that when one experiences a lack of invitation, it would be reasonable according the web defition at least, to therefore feel excluded. Whether intentional or unintentional one can still be justifiably hurt to learn that they have been excluded.

I have a feeling you all know where I'm going with this.

Through a conversation Marvy had with his mother on Tuesday, (we called for her birthday) I learned that over the weekend she had the most wonderful time at C's (Marvy's sister) baby shower. The other SIL A, (Marvy's little brother's wife) who co-hosted, did such a wonderful job with the baby shower games that she actually had fun.

As my intelligent bloggy homies that you are, I'm sure you figured out that I was never invited or even given the head's up/acknowledgement of said baby shower.

C lives halfway accross the country and an expensive airplane ticket away from our whole family. So, I never presumed that I would even get a shower invite. Marvy's mother is flying up there for the birth and to stay and help a bit. So, she would not have afforded to have flown there for such an occasion. Pretty much same goes for everyone else. However, this shower was a day trip drive away during a three (and in our case four) day weekend. I didn't even know she was going to fly into this particular city in my driving radius, but she needed to clean up the house they are selling and her friends decided it would be perfect timing to throw her a shower. The SIL A, only lives two hours away, so she was able to go. And my MIL decided to fly up to help, so she was able to go.



Now before anyone labels me the overly sensitive angry infertile, (Yes, I know it's not like they came to my city and forgot to invite me) I do realize of course, the circumstances are coincidental. I highly doubt that those involved came to the intentional conclusion that I, being the obvious infertile party pooper that I am, should not be invited. I get that. Frack it. It still hurts, because if it were me, I would have been more thoughtful.

Going to her baby shower would have been difficult and sad for me. Yet, despite how it would have made me feel, I still would have wanted to go. Marvy would have wanted the opportunity to see his sister with a pregnant belly. When she has the baby this summer it's pretty unlikely that we will get the chance to travel up there to see her. For one thing, there's the possibility that we'll be in the middle of an IVF cycle. Second, I don't think I can afford burning up the vacation days, and potentially leaving me with no recovery days to take off. Lastly, it will be cost prohibitive. This would have been the perfect chance for us to go up there during a three day weekend and share in the celebration of this first child in our family. This was the only baby shower that included any family. When you consider who the women are in our immediate family, there are only four. My MIL, SIL C, SIL A, and me. Three of the four were present yet I was not.

After listening to my "complaints" about all of this Marvy thought that perhaps the family should throw her a baby shower and invite the extended family and friends. (Obviously, not by me) He thought he should talk to his mom about that. He said it could even be after the baby is born. I told him he can try, but I know that's not going to work out. There's no reason for my MIL to throw her a shower after she had the chance to go to one. There's no way for my other SIL to afford to travel to my MIL's city and why would she when she co-hosted one. My SIL is not going to be able to afford to fly down to my MIL's city and probably can't justify the headache of traveling with an infant just for a baby shower.

It leaves me extremely dissapointed. At first Marvy was really mad at me for getting upset about it. (We were up till 2am "discussing" it) After all it is only a party and besides considering the fact that her pregnancy has been difficult for you, why would anyone come up with the thought of telling you about it?" He said. Eventually he calmed down and agreed that given the fact that they were a reasonable driving distance away even with no party, given the potential opportunity, it was disappointing.

Which brings me to this point. If you are a friend or family member of a person or couple struggling with infertility, and you are asking yourself, "Should I invite my infertile friend or family member to my baby shower/christening/child event?" Even though it may be difficult, it is still helpful to reach out to that person during events that had the circumstance been different you wouldn't think twice about inviting to. The act of not inviting is only going to make that person feel more excluded and seperated. They may not be able to attend, but at least they were given that choice to make. What would probably make that person feel better is to attach a seperate note to their invitation or maybe a personal phone call. Include something like the following:

"I know that it's events like these that make your struggle more difficult, and I don't want you to feel obligated to attend. I just thought I'd make sure to include you as you are someone I deeply care for."

Now that I have that off my chest, I'm off to start my weekend. Which, oh by the way, includes seeing MIL and SIL A who are traveling to my city for a wedding of a family friend that we are all going to. And how is it my intelligent bloggy homies that we are all going to this event? Oh, that's right, because we were all invited.