Holy Heck - How Did We Get to Here Already?

My friends we are at 29 weeks and 5 days. I am so amazed at how fast these last nine weeks have gone by. The midwives office told me I'm now to the point where I come in every two weeks. Crazy! I supposed being super busy certainly helps with that. I keep kicking myself for lack of writing and comenting - thanks for never making me feel more guilty than I already put on myself.

First, thank you to everyone who was concerned about my headaches. The really bad knock-you-down headaches have pretty much disappeared. I went about nine days straight with headaches that ty.lenol couldn't touch but since then they have been much more manageable and the extra-stregnth pills seemed to have done the trick. Very happy about that.

I decided to keep the baby's real name on the DL in blogland, but I wanted to have some sort of name that I could use here that made me smile. I decided on Max. For one - I think it fits nicely with Marvy. And two - there's a bit of a spanish connection. In spanish, the equivilent of saying something was "awesome" was to say it was "lo maximo". These things never work out in literal translations do they? For us to say something is "the maximum" with enthusiasm and people might think we're crazy. Well imagine if in spanish we were to say something is "grande" when we are trying to describe how amazing something is exclusive of size. Then we're the crazy ones! But, this blessed experience that I have wished for for so long is finally happening and I can't think of a better way to describe it then to say that it is, "Lo Maximo".

So, Max has been kicking up a storm. I remember kind of whining to Marvy when I was at 16 weeks because I couldn't definitively feel the baby move like some of my other friends who were ahead of me and shared their experience. Of course now that is funny because the movement is just all over the place now. Marvy says that they are my "gifts" - something that only I am able to experience first hand. Sure, he has felt his fair share of kicks now but it's not the same.

We are halfway through our Bra.dley Classes for childbirth. I love them. They are the highlight of my week. Our instructor also happens to be expecting and she is due about 10 days after me. We also stumbled into a private class when the other two couples ended up canceling last minute. I have always wanted a natural childbirth experience but as I was first contemplating this in my first trimester I was afraid that maybe I didn't have "the stuff" to really pull it off. Luckily, my first decision I made (even before finding an OBGYN) was on our doula. She helped me find a midwife practice that labored out of a hospital. I was then able to read and research more on the subject and my confidence grew. And the classes have further solidified why not only is this the right choice for me - but that I wasn't increasing risk by giving up the highly medicalized and interventionist approach. I am no longer intimidated about the process.

Part of me wanted to take back some of the "natural" process that I lost through ART. There is something definitively not natural by concieving when your husband is doing nothing but holding your hand and a nurse is inserting a catheter through your cervix. The intimacy aspect of creating a child which so many people are able to do so easily is simply torn out of your grasp. To make up for this loss I think I wanted to try to recapture this intimacy via natural childbirth. I have many a friend who think I have lost my marbles, but I am so happy that this is our approach.

I think the Bra.dley Method is a very good one. I love the fact that it's a 12 week course. Many people scoff at this but I view it as a way to stop for two hours out of the week and prepare yourselves for a major event. Many compare it to preparing for a marathon. It's not something that you can decide at the last minute that you can just put some tennis shoes on and take off. In order for you to be successful, you have to prepare appropriately. I have been very pleased with their diet and nutritional information. And simply their philosophy overall.

I will say however that there are a few drawbacks to the Bra.dley course. First, the majority of the material they have their instructors use is way outdated. Some of the videos are from the 60's and 70's. The outdated material sometimes makes their arguments for their cause invalid. For example, the book I'm reading spends a whole chapter on why their method is better than Lam.aze because of their strict breathing approach. But, Lam.aze abandoned this idea a long time ago.

There are many things with them that are totally non-negotiable and I think it's silly. For example, when you go to the Bra.dley website they have a place that you can click on to find an instructor. And may of them have their own mini profile page for you to learn a little bit more about them and when their class schedules are. My instructor's profile included that she used to be a 7th grade math teacher. They pulled her webpage down and have since refused to put it back. Why? Because they thought her saying that she was a school teacher was irrelevant to her being a Bra.dley instructor. I actually thought this was a great thing. It showed me that she had the patience to teach! They have also threatened to pull her certification because she made mention on her own professional website that she was a DONA certified Doula. They made her pick one. She could either be a Bra.dley instructor or DONA Doula on her own website (not related to Bra.dley). She can't even mention that she's a doula period! Ridiculous.

Anyway, I have learned a ton and I am thankful for the new friendship I have been able to make with the instructor. I know it may sound crazy, but I am actually really looking forward to my labor experience. I welcome the challenge.

We have put in new hardwood floors (well - laminate) and got rid of all carpet in our downstairs. I think it looks great. Oh, that reminds me I need to post on that specifically - Marvy did something pretty special that I think you guys will enjoy.

We have painted the nursery. The paint inspiration comes from my bedding selection. Which ended up being totally different the post from a while back. I'll show you guys what I mean as soon as it's done. I'm just working on the finishing touches on the paint job.

Okay, well I suppose that will just have to do for an update for now. Again so sorry for such absence. Can I make up for it with a photo or two?

This is from Thanksgiving weekend which was about 27 weeks. This was taken in South Texas. For those of you from up North, Yes- those are palm trees. :o)

Here we are at 29 weeks.

I hope everyone is doing very well!

Take care & much love to you all,

Liv

May We Have a Frank Nipple Conversation?

Why does Liv want to talk about Frank's nipples?

No, not Frank's nipples... A frank conversation about nipples and breasteses. More specifically my nipples and breasteses. :o) BTW: if you are a male friend of mine who happens to be reading my blog (Good Lord, why would you still be reading after that last sentence?) this would be a perfect time to stop altogether and catch another issue. Or if you keep reading...just don't ever tell me you did.

The reason why I'd like to discuss this is because I fear a problem with breastfeeding is in my imminent future. And before you ding me as being the worry wart, about to be first time mom who is just worrying for no reason...hear me out first.

Let's start at the beginning. And by that I do mean back to the very beginning of my life with bewbies. When I was (insert whatever age girls started needing to wear training bras circa late 80's early 90's) I noticed something a little odd about how I was developing. Let's refer to these ladies as "The Left" and "The Right" because I find the political humor funny. I seriously thought that I must have been stung by a ferocious mosquito or something because "The Right's" nipple looked different then the other. The issues that I picked up on never really went away, and at the age of about 14 I started to wonder if this was going to be a problem for me when one day I needed to breastfeed.

Yup, you heard that right. I was concerned about my ability to breastfeed as an early teenager. What can I say? I've always been mature for my age.

And now you're wondering what could possibly be the problem. Well I lovingly refer to "The Right" as "Mt. St. Helens". Remember that one? It's the volcano in Washington that blew it's top and now it's way shorter than it used to be? All of the volcano components that were on the top are now at the base of the volcano.

Here's Mt. St. Helen's before: Beautiful perfect cone shape...

And Mt. St. Helen's After: Flat top, just about half the volcano it used to be with bits of volcanic rock way down at the base, with one side of it looking like it slid right off. A rather cold barren unappealing version of what it used to be.


That my friends is exactly what "The Right" looks like. The nipple is half the size as it's leftist counterpart. And it's almost as if the components that should have made up the nipple part slid into the areola.

It's a Vast Right Boob conspiracy. (I'm so sorry I couldn't help myself....wait - who am I kidding - I'm cracking my self up!)

Now, "The Left's" architecture is less than desirable too. In one of my books it said that if you squeeze the breast and the nipple turns in instead of out than it may be inverted. Well, anytime I squeeze the breast mimicking the ideal hold to put the breast in as you are about to get it into the mouth of a hungry babe, the nipple sinks into the areola...not out. (Helloooo...Could someone tell Blogger to add the word AREOLA to their dictionary...c'mon people!)

And then at further observation when I stretch out the nipple part and look at it straight on, the nipples have crevices which I'm sure are designed to be the actual place the milk will come out of. "The Left" has more of an ideal 'X or almost '*' pattern. "The Right" looks like two tiny vertical slits '\' that are not nearly as deep of a crevice as the other.

The first time I met the medical professional hired to check on all my lady bidness and feel me up, aka Dr. Gyno, I inquired about my seemingly less than perfect nipples. "Will this be an issue when I need to breastfeed?"

No. Was always the response.

But he was a guy and a Gyno at that. Seriously what did he know?

With every new hired lady bidness checker I would ask about them and everyone would say there was nothing to worry about. Then I became pregnant and started reading the breastfeeding books...

"Babies feed from the breast not the nipple"
"Your body can compensate for issues during breastfeeding"
"Babies are able to learn and form to your breasts in order to feed"

So, I calmed myself down, confident in thinking that whatever issue that I had, if I kept LLL on my speedial I'd be fine.

Then two things happened. First, I made the mistake of observing my SIL pumping. Seeing her nipples in the cups and the suction of the machine making them go, "shlump, shlump, shlump". My first thought was, "They're pefect! That's exactly what they're supposed to look like! The only thing more perfect would have been cow udders. And that's so not what I have"

Second, my breasts have been doing some wacky stuff. Just like the books said... my areolas are the size of saucer plates. Fine I can deal if that's what happens in "normal" pregnancy. But, shortly after the areola change whenever the nipple gets hard it not just the nipple any more. It's practically the entire freaking saucer plate!

The nipple is not plyable it's, it's, it's more like... aw hell let me describe it this way.

I want you to imagine a cheerio on a head of broccoli, and then a half cheerio on another head of broccoli. Then try to imagine how in the heck a little baby is supposed to get that in his mouth and somehow get milk out.

I shared my concerns with a friend of mine and she told me with the boobs I have I'll probably be a factory cranking out feedings and pumping into bottles like nothing and that I worry too much. I didn't find such dismissal all that helpful. I told her I was going to bring it up to the midwife anyway and see what she said.

At my last midwife appointment when she asked me if I had any questions I said, "Yeah, um can I flash you my boobs?" She was great about it and took great care in examining and feeling around. I showed her "The Left" first and explained how I was afraid it was inverted. She didn't seem to think so, but she did say that it is flat and I may need to use a nipple sheild. Then I told her that wasn't the problem one. So, I showed her "The Right". And guess what happened? She justified my concerns!

Funny huh? When we think that there's a problem you'd think the best thing to hear would be "Nothings wrong!", yet we breath a sigh of relief when someone says, "Yup that's a problem!"

She basically said that if I wanted to breastfeed I was probably going to have to be pretty committed to it. Worst case scenario is that I may only be able to use the one [somewhat challenged "Leftist"] breast. But, babies can thrive on just the one. She shared how when she breastfeed her twins they were only getting one anyway. I asked if maybe I could pump with the bad one...and she said that maybe that will be my solution. I pump on "The Right" and I feed on "The Left". She said that the hardness may be due to colostrum making it's arrival.

She suggested (before I was even going to ask!) that I seek a lactation consultant now. Obviously there is not a whole lot that can be done until after the baby is here and we see what actually happens...but she did say that they would love to talk to me. She said that they love to see women while they are still pregnant and not weeks later when they are desperate and exhausted.

Well, I am committed. Obviously if I cared at the age of 14 and my ability to breastfeed you could call me committed. But, also at a young age I helped one of my mom's friends who was a LLL leader and that is when I really learned a lot about breastfeeding and felt that I really wanted to be comitted to it when my time came.

So there we go. There's my issue in a nutshell. I'm going to figure out where to find nipple and breast shields, get a hold of a lactation consultant, put LLL on speadial and cross my fingers. I'm so hope that all of this works out and I figure out some sort of solution.

Good Stuff, Fun Stuff & Just One Little Bummer

Good Stuff - Nursery Furniture!!!

Over the weekend we placed the order for the nursery furniture. The first major baby purchase we've made. I'm pretty excited about it and shocked that we were able to find it in our price range. I'm not quite sure why it's so hard to find a crib and dresser/changing table in the $200 to $300 each range, but dang it was nye impossible. I would fall in love with these nursery sets that would have the crib, dresser and say another piece to complete the ensemble and they were ridiculously priced. (Okay, they were nice so maybe I shouldn't say that their prices were ridiculous...they were ridiculously outside of my budget!)

Insert my Baby Bargains book to the rescue and voila we have our furniture! I found a local baby store in the book that I never heard of before and it was named a top 21 store in the nation based on their reviews. So, I checked them out and found a crib, dresser and armoire for great prices! We basically saved about $1300. The armoire alone was $600-800 off!

I know you so want to see it don't you?

Here you go!

Fun Stuff - Registries

I've been working on my registries, which of course a lot is missing until we know what this baby is. Marvy and I suspect that it's a girl, although we really have no evidence to show for it! There are great things about either gender. Marvy, his brother and one cousin are the only males of his generation. Having a son would allow for his last name to carry on a little longer. I was the oldest and I always wanted an older brother...so having a boy would mean that our other children would have the same benefit has Marvy's siblings a great older brother. Marvy loves the idea of a little me. He sees this photo below of me and he thinks it's just the cutest little baby in the whole world. So he wants one just like her he says.


I've picked a few options in the way of bedding. One for a boy and one for a girl. Check it out and let me know which version do you think will be in our nursery.
Something I realized after the fact for the girl bedding is that it's a bird theme...which matches my blog header and the mama bird analogy I've used on this blog before. Thought that was kinda neat.

Fun Stuff - Operation Preparation

I have had a few experiences that motivate how I want this pregnancy and birth to go. My cousin, (She's the one in the photo with me above!) had three of her children at home with midwives and I learned much about childbirth through her. Then when I was 18, I had the privilege of being a labor partner for a friend who's boyfriend flaked and her mom turned into a basket case. I was called in to help totally unprepared I helped her the best I could through her labor. Then I was the one in the cesarean surgery room with her when the doctors needed to preform the c-section. Wearing scrubs and holding a video camera, I was there through the whole thing. Lastly, my neighbor across the street went into the labor and was planning a home birth. Her husband was a mess, and the midwives didn't get there in time. After the fact we realized she was in active labor for only an hour. I ended up being the one to catch her son. They put me on the birth certificate with the title of "Midwife-in-Training".

So I've seen home births, midwife births, and hospital births with first hand experiences. I've decided the right fit for me is a hospital birth with a midwife. We will have the assistance of a doula. A lovely gal who strangely reminds me a lot of me. She's short, brunette with freckles. But mostly she's highly knowledgeable, patient and empathetic. I'm really looking forward to working with her. We have Bra.dley classes starting in about three weeks. The Bra.dley method includes 12 weeks of classes. Which seem kinda crazy at first, but if you think about it, it's more like entering a training program than simply "birth classes".

A book that I've read and liked it so much I'm actually reading through it again this time with Marvy is by Erica Lyon called "The Big Book of Birth". I highly recommend this book. It covers the three labor stages with great information that can help empower woman to understand what is happening and be able to advocate for their own care. Operation Preparation is in full swing!

Fun Stuff - Dinner & Dancing

Marvy and I both work for a financial institution...just in different parts of the company. Our company is hosting a black tie client event on Wednesday and the person slotted to go to this just recently had a baby and he and his wife were just not able to go. My awesome boss selected me (and by default Marvy!) to attend the event and I couldn't be more excited. I get to put on a fancy dress, Marvy gets to wear his black suit and tie and we get to go to downtown at the Rit.z Ca.rlton for this event. This may be one of the last nights like this one in a long, long, long time. I plan on taking full advantage of it. (Well, guess I have to skip the wine...shucks!) I'll post the photo afterwards!

Just One Little Bummer - Baby Shower

I don't have a lot of close family, both logistical and emotionally. My mom is in Guatemala so I only see her once a year when she comes for Christmas. I'm very close with my MIL and I'm lucky to have a great relationship with my in laws. One of her drawbacks however is a little forethought in certain things. There was a cousin who sent my MIL a wedding invitation fully intending on her to pass the invite along to the rest of us in our family to go. And when we suggested to her that we should go to, she said that we couldn't because we didn't have a personal invite. Of course after she returned from the wedding she reported that everyone wondered why we weren't there. When my SIL had her baby shower that my MIL attended (co-hosted by my other SIL) it didn't occur to her at all that maybe I should have had an invitation too. And not because of the infertility thing. She just didn't think about it. She was confused when Marvy told her that it made me sad. "Why would she go?"

Marvy and I had an idea that it would be great to have a family shower or get together of some sort with his family and the 4 people in my family who would come. We thought we could even have it after the baby was born so that way it could be more like a family reunion of sorts and everyone could meet the baby.

While I was at the baby store deciding on which organic foam mattress to select to go with our crib, he decided to step outside and talk to his mom about the shower/get together. She pretty much shot it down to pieces. She didn't think anyone would be willing to drive to her city and get a hotel for something like that. She just couldn't see it working. The thing is I know of 11 family members that would do everything in their power to go, and about a dozen more that could feasibly be there. They are in her city pretty regularly and I'm sure for something like this they would make their best effort to go. But in her mind she would never go...so she doesn't see that other's would.

It's sad because that means that the only people we can count on to do something for us are our friends and co-workers. Seems kind of wrong that we can't count on family for something like this? Don't get the wrong message here it's not a materialistic/stuff standpoint...it's more of family support aspect. I know that it could come across the wrong way. And I can't figure out how to explain it very well.

Marvy was really disappointed with his mom. He was very sweet and said that I deserved better than that. If the tables were turned I'd go out of my way to get people together. And he was going to make sure that when it came to our kids they would have a different experience than this.

Anywho...lot's of GOOD and FUN stuff to focus on until Oct. 9th when we find out what kind of frijole we're going to have!