Showing posts with label Help from Friends. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Help from Friends. Show all posts

Thursday, May 28, 2009

Livstrong, A Cause Worthy of it's Own Rubber Bracelet

I was having a conversation with my buddy Katie over at The Happy Hours today on what was it now...facebook, email, twitter, blogger? who knows but a concept struck me that I decided I had to blog about. You bloggies are my constant muse.

She had a post that talked about when it comes to dealing with infertility sometimes it's the silence from people that hurts the worst. Isn't that the truth? This whole IF stuff has me thinking that we sooo (and I did...) take our mental health for granted. It would be so helpful for people to acknowledge that this a big freakin' deal. I feel completely melodramatic for saying it, but this crap is like a serious disease worthy of telethons, foundations and our own rubber bracelets.

Now that I think about it...I'm gonna start my own cause. And I'm going to call it..."Wait for it..." (can you tell I love "How I met your mother?") Livstrong. Raise awareness to the mental health of those suffering infertility and for GUACIFIC*. Yes, I realize it's one letter off of another completely legitimate cancer foundation with the little yellow bracelets whom I hope does not get offended and sue the pants off of me. Would help if I said, "No offense" first? Because that always seems to give everyone permission to say whatever they want...that and "I'm just sayin'". Perhaps they'll lay off if I tell them, "No offense but my name is Liv and I'm trying to be mentally strong here...I'm just sayin''

Oh, and the best part?! Our greetings at conventions and stuff... Livstrong & Prosper.

What? I'm just sayin'.

*GUACIFIC: Give Us All Comprehensive Infertility Insurance Coverage. Yes, I made this up myself. I think we all deserve to be inside the GUACIFIC Rim.

People that we interact with in real life really do have a burden in that they hold an important element in our overall well being and contentedness. Yet most are ill equipped with how to do this properly. It becomes easier just to skirt around it. Certainly, avoidance of a sensitive topic must be the nicest thing I can do for my infertile friend. I would have thought the same thing -that is before I became one.

This is not to say that if I have a bad day I can point the finger at someone in my inner circle of friends* and family and say in my whiniest voice, "sniff, sniff...It's your fault I'm feeling this way." Absolutely not. Don't anyone get the wrong impression here. You as a friend or family member have no responsibility towards an infertile's hardship. You are not the cause of our discontendedness. That is squarely on the shoulders of infertility and overall bad cards dealt. Your fertility or superfertility has no correlation to our subfertility. The point here is not to cause a guilt trip. The message is simply that if you do decide to reach out and acknowledge your infertile friend's trials, offer a shoulder to cry on, let them know that you are thinking about them, you will make their day! And when they are going to a rough time good days could not come often enough. Since you are our live-and-in-person friend, your effort only amplifies the good nature. Kind of like how whenever you receive a complement from your husband that you look nice. Yes, it makes you happy. But, when another chick tells you how nice you look or compliments you on something, don't you just love that? Doesn't this just make your day sometimes? This is what I mean when I say you hold an element of our contentedness. You don't cause our bad days, but you most certainly be the cause of our good days.

*Okay, I lied about pointing the finger of blame to friends...You my friend clo.mid... you do not fall into this group. I point the finger at you as cause to much suffering!!!

So here is what you, oh friend of the infertile, can do to help. Talk to her. Only assume that your friend prefers the silent treatment after you have stopped to ask first. I know it seems counter intuitive. But, believe it or not, simply letting them know that this sucks and that you hate for them to going through this makes the biggest positive difference to that person. If that's too hard to do, write to her. If words fail you...copy and paste mine. I lift my copyright restriction for this next section.

Words for a friend diagnosed with infertility: My friend, I'm so sorry to hear that you are having to go through such a devastating family building hardship. I can't even begin to understand. I don't want to make it worse by burdening you. Why don't you just let me know if/when you want to talk about it. Until I hear from you, I'll just assume you need my silent support.

To my friends who do this well. (And if you are one of those reading this blog that know my real name...than that's you!) Thank you for your support, words of encouragement and real life hugs. Sometimes the best thing you've done is given me a hug for no reason at all. It's because of you that I may...

Livstrong & Prosper

Tuesday, March 3, 2009

Sending out an S.O.S


I've determined that I need to take some steps towards minimizing some of the resentment on both sides of the table with my SIL. I can't bring myself right now to discuss this over the phone, so I'm going to write her a letter instead. I'm opting not to send an email because emails are more difficult to gauge tone and I hope the extra effort of a physical letter helps. I'm wondering you would be willing to help provide some feedback on what to say.


Let me start by providing you a bit of background to understand the situation a little better. (For those that know this story, you have my permission to skip down...but don't leave, because I need some help! See below)

::background::

My SIL had a pregnancy eight years ago that she ended in abortion. This was really difficult when we found out about it, because she told everyone originally that she had a miscarriage and it wasn't until two years ago that she confessed what really happened. Marvy and I, as newlyweds at the time, offered to have her live with us in our house and offered a tremendous amount of support when she was alone and pregnant. Marvy and I even made up our minds about adopting that baby when she was considering that option. (She doesn't know about this conversation though) I forgive her for this, because I know God has forgiven her of this and I try really hard not to think about it. Although I must confess this forgiveness is a daily occurrence as the devil trys to instigate something. I debated sharing this with you guys because I don't want you to think badly of her, but I couldn't reconcile how to gloss over it.

We have never really had a super close connection. I've never picked up the phone to call and just chat. Whenever she calls after the polite "howya doin?" it's always followed up with asking to speak to her brother. We are very different people. In the past the differences always seemed endearing really. She is athletic, runs daily and I do not have an athletic bone in my body. She is super health conscious, and I have no problem indulging in abeit infrequent Mc.Donald's fries and W.endy's F.rosti.e. I shop at A.nne T.aylor Loft, and she shops at Char.lotte Ru.se. There are things that she envies about me and things that I have envied of her. She lives 2500 miles away and we usually are only able to visit every two years or so. We've always had no trouble getting along in person and I bet that she wishes we could have been closer just as much as I have.

:: ::

After two months of trying when they tossed their BCP she became pregnant in October last year. Still days away from her expected period she POAS and that day she called everyone to share the news. The same day!!!

I feel like the world as I knew it ended that day. I had been in infertility denial for the previous eight years. I had a feeling something might be wrong but I refused to consider it anything other than just "God's timing". I felt like one day I was a happy wife and in the next I was thrown into an abyss of despair and haven't been able to pull myself out of yet.

Because I have been so emotionally bankrupt, I feel unable to reach out to her at all. I know that this has caused resentment on her part. She feels as if I'm intentionally ignoring her. But, it's not ignoring, it's more like not giving her a great amount of attention out of my own self-preservation. I also think it would be different if we were close, and then I just let it go while this happened. During Christmas, I was unable to sit next to her, to look her in the eye and I barely could converse with her. She definitely has just cause to be unhappy with me. This past weekend when she spoke to Marvy, she said that when I'm pregnant, she's going to ignore me and treat me the same way.

So, I feel like I need to build a bridge. But, what do I say? What do I not say? I know I want to tell her that it's not fair to her that she has to deal with me. That I'd give anything to share in her blissful joy. I want to tell her how much I really do care, and I try my best to show it the best way I can. I plan on telling her how I check in with her through Marvy, that when he calls it's usually because I have asked him to make sure she's okay. I pray for her and her growing new family daily. That I really and truely appreciate all of her prayers for us and that I still wished she lived closer.

But, do I share how grieved and heart broken I feel? Do I tell her that this infertility happens to be the worst thing that has ever happened in my life? Is it fair to tell her that I feel absolutely isolated? That if this were any other life crisis I believe the family would treat it differently? That I morn the fact that pregnancy may never work out for me? That I would rather endure every painful hardship I have ever experienced five times over if only it meant I didn't have to deal with this? Is it right to ask for some support when I'm grasping at straws to muster any in return? Do I confess how much this whole thing occupies my thoughts both concious and otherwise? That I think about her every hour? Would it be unhelpful to offer a small glimpse into what it's like in my shoes? That it's not as easy as just walking into the clinic for an IUI treatment on one particular day in the month. What our future will look like if we turn to IVF in June? That the drugs I'm on now are a cake walk compared to the somewhat drug induced/somewhat situationally induced emotional roller coaster I get to look forward to then? That adoption may not work for us due to the fact that we may be rejected by agencies given my terrible family background that includes sexual abuse?


So tell me internet. Lay it on me - I can take it. Help a sista out. What would you strike from the record? Do you have any helpful phrases you can suggest? Like today in Mel's Barren Advice, she talked about abiding in someone until they have come through their grief. What a great description. Anything else along those lines? Leave a comment with your thoughts, I greatly appreciate your feedback. If you prefer to email me, that is cool too, see my address over to the right.
THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

I Like You


I like you blogland. I like you people whom I've never met yet I would go way out of my way to do something for you if you needed me to. I like you in real life friends who happen to read my blog. I like you lurky loos who tell me you read my blog and say nice things about what I write. I like you ICLW peoples who took time out to stop and say hi.


One of you's we shall call her "The Blog Friend" have taken the time to write me a wonderfully sweet, caring and helpful email. I went out on a limb and sent her an email totally imposing on her. But, she was every bit as much a friend to me, who if it weren't for this blog we would be strangers, as people I have been friends with for years. This person even said she would ALWAYS be there for me. How cool is that?


One of my in real life friends we shall call her "The Poet", lives many states away and I rarely see her. But she keeps up with me via my blog. I seriously have no reason to whine in comparison to what she's been going through. Her dear step-father passed away a couple years ago and I know that was hard. The husband whom she thought would be her partner forever, turned out not to be Prince Charming and she filed for divorce recently. Because of a job she moved many, many states away where she is very much by herself. And to top it off all she has ever wanted was to be a stay-at-home mother, and last summer she had to have a grapefruit sized fibroid tumor surgically removed from her child producing parts. She would probably be in this community of infertiles if it weren't for the fact that she doesn't exactly have a sperm donor. I have been reading a lot of blogs in this community and I have yet to find one of you with looser spouses. Everyone of you have spouses that nearly compare to Superman. Yet despite all of her woes, she's the kind of person who sends you a Halloween card, a Thanksgiving card, a Christmas card, and a birthday card. All to let you know how she's there for you. I suck at cards. The best I could do was the one Christmas card. Then for Valentines day she sends me something else in the mail. A simple handmade card with nothing but a poem. It reads:


What do you say to a friend, who's body has conspired against her?

What do you say when words which have never failed you before, today just won't go there?

So many miles away, I can't even offer a hug or a touch to comfort the pain and frustration she's feeling.

So many miles away and yet my heart is instantly by her side with every painful thought she's revealing.

Where I am usually so eloquent, I falter.

Where I could speak, I am dumb.

And so I'll do the only thing that I know how to my friend, And simply pray for

______________ to come.


Can you see why I like you all now? I wanted to let you all know how seriously, "I Heart You Guys". And to thank these two for being the lovely people they are. Do me a big favor and help me thank these two by leaving a comment for "The Blog Friend" and "The Poet" and tell them how great they are. Seriously, these ladies are truly great.

Sunday, February 1, 2009

I'll Get by With a Little Help From My Friends...


Tomorrow my sister in law will find out if there is a nephew or niece to add to our family. Ashamedly, I have been dreading this. I am very anxious and wished I didn't feel so upset about it. I'm sending out an SOS to all of you in the form of a song to help me get through this. Obviously I stole the Beetles song and turned it around. Hope you like it.



What would you think if I typed out a plea
Would you come near and stand over by me

Lend me your strength, your prayers and your thoughts
And I'll try make you so proud of me

Oh, I get through this with a little help from my friends
Mm, I'll survive with a little help from my friends
Mm, gonna try with a little help from my friends

What do I do when my heart starts to break
When I fight not to cry anymore?
How do I feel by the end of the day
When I'm sad because the house is empty?

No, I get through this with a little help from my friends
Mm, I'll survive with a little help from my friends
Mm, gonna try with a little help from my friends

Have you ever needed a baby
I need a baby to love
Could it be any baby
I want a baby to love

Would you believe it will happen to me
Yes, I'm certain that it happens all the time
When will my fate meet my destiny
I can't tell you but I know it will me mine

Oh, I get by with a little help from my friends
Mm, I'll survive with a little help from my friends
Mm, gonna try with a little help from my friends