I was having a conversation with my buddy Katie over at The Happy Hours today on what was it now...facebook, email, twitter, blogger? who knows but a concept struck me that I decided I had to blog about. You bloggies are my constant muse.
She had a post that talked about when it comes to dealing with infertility sometimes it's the silence from people that hurts the worst. Isn't that the truth? This whole IF stuff has me thinking that we sooo (and I did...) take our mental health for granted. It would be so helpful for people to acknowledge that this a big freakin' deal. I feel completely melodramatic for saying it, but this crap is like a serious disease worthy of telethons, foundations and our own rubber bracelets.
Now that I think about it...I'm gonna start my own cause. And I'm going to call it..."Wait for it..." (can you tell I love "How I met your mother?") Livstrong. Raise awareness to the mental health of those suffering infertility and for GUACIFIC*. Yes, I realize it's one letter off of another completely legitimate cancer foundation with the little yellow bracelets whom I hope does not get offended and sue the pants off of me. Would help if I said, "No offense" first? Because that always seems to give everyone permission to say whatever they want...that and "I'm just sayin'". Perhaps they'll lay off if I tell them, "No offense but my name is Liv and I'm trying to be mentally strong here...I'm just sayin''
Oh, and the best part?! Our greetings at conventions and stuff... Livstrong & Prosper.
What? I'm just sayin'.
*GUACIFIC: Give Us All Comprehensive Infertility Insurance Coverage. Yes, I made this up myself. I think we all deserve to be inside the GUACIFIC Rim.
People that we interact with in real life really do have a burden in that they hold an important element in our overall well being and contentedness. Yet most are ill equipped with how to do this properly. It becomes easier just to skirt around it. Certainly, avoidance of a sensitive topic must be the nicest thing I can do for my infertile friend. I would have thought the same thing -that is before I became one.
This is not to say that if I have a bad day I can point the finger at someone in my inner circle of friends* and family and say in my whiniest voice, "sniff, sniff...It's your fault I'm feeling this way." Absolutely not. Don't anyone get the wrong impression here. You as a friend or family member have no responsibility towards an infertile's hardship. You are not the cause of our discontendedness. That is squarely on the shoulders of infertility and overall bad cards dealt. Your fertility or superfertility has no correlation to our subfertility. The point here is not to cause a guilt trip. The message is simply that if you do decide to reach out and acknowledge your infertile friend's trials, offer a shoulder to cry on, let them know that you are thinking about them, you will make their day! And when they are going to a rough time good days could not come often enough. Since you are our live-and-in-person friend, your effort only amplifies the good nature. Kind of like how whenever you receive a complement from your husband that you look nice. Yes, it makes you happy. But, when another chick tells you how nice you look or compliments you on something, don't you just love that? Doesn't this just make your day sometimes? This is what I mean when I say you hold an element of our contentedness. You don't cause our bad days, but you most certainly be the cause of our good days.
*Okay, I lied about pointing the finger of blame to friends...You my friend clo.mid... you do not fall into this group. I point the finger at you as cause to much suffering!!!
So here is what you, oh friend of the infertile, can do to help. Talk to her. Only assume that your friend prefers the silent treatment after you have stopped to ask first. I know it seems counter intuitive. But, believe it or not, simply letting them know that this sucks and that you hate for them to going through this makes the biggest positive difference to that person. If that's too hard to do, write to her. If words fail you...copy and paste mine. I lift my copyright restriction for this next section.
Words for a friend diagnosed with infertility: My friend, I'm so sorry to hear that you are having to go through such a devastating family building hardship. I can't even begin to understand. I don't want to make it worse by burdening you. Why don't you just let me know if/when you want to talk about it. Until I hear from you, I'll just assume you need my silent support.
To my friends who do this well. (And if you are one of those reading this blog that know my real name...than that's you!) Thank you for your support, words of encouragement and real life hugs. Sometimes the best thing you've done is given me a hug for no reason at all. It's because of you that I may...
Livstrong & Prosper
She had a post that talked about when it comes to dealing with infertility sometimes it's the silence from people that hurts the worst. Isn't that the truth? This whole IF stuff has me thinking that we sooo (and I did...) take our mental health for granted. It would be so helpful for people to acknowledge that this a big freakin' deal. I feel completely melodramatic for saying it, but this crap is like a serious disease worthy of telethons, foundations and our own rubber bracelets.
Now that I think about it...I'm gonna start my own cause. And I'm going to call it..."Wait for it..." (can you tell I love "How I met your mother?") Livstrong. Raise awareness to the mental health of those suffering infertility and for GUACIFIC*. Yes, I realize it's one letter off of another completely legitimate cancer foundation with the little yellow bracelets whom I hope does not get offended and sue the pants off of me. Would help if I said, "No offense" first? Because that always seems to give everyone permission to say whatever they want...that and "I'm just sayin'". Perhaps they'll lay off if I tell them, "No offense but my name is Liv and I'm trying to be mentally strong here...I'm just sayin''
Oh, and the best part?! Our greetings at conventions and stuff... Livstrong & Prosper.
What? I'm just sayin'.
*GUACIFIC: Give Us All Comprehensive Infertility Insurance Coverage. Yes, I made this up myself. I think we all deserve to be inside the GUACIFIC Rim.
People that we interact with in real life really do have a burden in that they hold an important element in our overall well being and contentedness. Yet most are ill equipped with how to do this properly. It becomes easier just to skirt around it. Certainly, avoidance of a sensitive topic must be the nicest thing I can do for my infertile friend. I would have thought the same thing -that is before I became one.
This is not to say that if I have a bad day I can point the finger at someone in my inner circle of friends* and family and say in my whiniest voice, "sniff, sniff...It's your fault I'm feeling this way." Absolutely not. Don't anyone get the wrong impression here. You as a friend or family member have no responsibility towards an infertile's hardship. You are not the cause of our discontendedness. That is squarely on the shoulders of infertility and overall bad cards dealt. Your fertility or superfertility has no correlation to our subfertility. The point here is not to cause a guilt trip. The message is simply that if you do decide to reach out and acknowledge your infertile friend's trials, offer a shoulder to cry on, let them know that you are thinking about them, you will make their day! And when they are going to a rough time good days could not come often enough. Since you are our live-and-in-person friend, your effort only amplifies the good nature. Kind of like how whenever you receive a complement from your husband that you look nice. Yes, it makes you happy. But, when another chick tells you how nice you look or compliments you on something, don't you just love that? Doesn't this just make your day sometimes? This is what I mean when I say you hold an element of our contentedness. You don't cause our bad days, but you most certainly be the cause of our good days.
*Okay, I lied about pointing the finger of blame to friends...You my friend clo.mid... you do not fall into this group. I point the finger at you as cause to much suffering!!!
So here is what you, oh friend of the infertile, can do to help. Talk to her. Only assume that your friend prefers the silent treatment after you have stopped to ask first. I know it seems counter intuitive. But, believe it or not, simply letting them know that this sucks and that you hate for them to going through this makes the biggest positive difference to that person. If that's too hard to do, write to her. If words fail you...copy and paste mine. I lift my copyright restriction for this next section.
Words for a friend diagnosed with infertility: My friend, I'm so sorry to hear that you are having to go through such a devastating family building hardship. I can't even begin to understand. I don't want to make it worse by burdening you. Why don't you just let me know if/when you want to talk about it. Until I hear from you, I'll just assume you need my silent support.
To my friends who do this well. (And if you are one of those reading this blog that know my real name...than that's you!) Thank you for your support, words of encouragement and real life hugs. Sometimes the best thing you've done is given me a hug for no reason at all. It's because of you that I may...
Livstrong & Prosper
