Hope By Proxy

ATTENTION: My Friends whom I love, that love me and read my blog. You know the routine. This is the point in which I ask that you not read the blog for three weeks or so. Better yet, when I tell ya it's safe. And just to clarify if we don't see each other on a regular basis due to geography, then you're okay to continue reading. I do this because whether the the news is good or bad, I would rather talk to you about it in person, not after the fact because it was read on the blog. This starts now. As in right here... this is the end of the road. This paragraph is it. Love ya!

::: :::


Yesterday I twittered about how I am too scared to think of this cycle working. Seriously, I'm not going there. Hopeville that is. Because I've been there too many times. And everytime I never end up with anything more than this,

I can't bring myself to hope yet. And truth is even if I see a positive, at what point am I going to allow myself to hope that after all this time my dream will be realized?

I don't know yet.

I am 7dpIUI today. Five days away from Beta. I have had the most sore breasts ever since the morning after insemination. This started before they told me to start on the progesterone. Yet, I am convincing myself that they are sore because of the higher levels of estrogen I experienced before the insemination, and then I'm chalking it up to the progesterone for keeping it that way. I had crazy cramps last night. And AF isn't expected for another 10 days. I am not allowing myself to think that this means ANYTHING.

So, as I tweeted this last night. Awesome Kristen asked if she could be allowed to hope for me. And Beautiful Mess and Ali hopped on the hope bandwagon.

I said, "Yes, you can be my Hope By Proxy".

And this I'm okay with. In fact it's quite helpful. They can hang out in Hopeville, maybe send me a postcard. And I'll just be here. Trying not to think too much about it.

So, anyone else want to be my Hope By Proxy? :o)

*Oh, and as a follow up to the baby shower thing. I'm not going. I went in half with my friend Jo, on a nice stroller. The one higher priced item she had on her registry. I printed out a pic of the stroller on a cute custom card I made. I appreciate everyone's input and actually at one point I was actually going. And then Marvy saved me....

"Oh, don't forget we're supposed to go camping this weekend."

THAT'S RIGHT! We are SUPPOSED to go camping this weekend! Now it's just Marvy's fault for not putting it on the calendar. This is also the man that responded to my comment about being lapped three times by the EF with, "Yes, but they will be ugly. Our children will be beautiful inside and out."

Love this man.