The IVF Game - "Get Your Popcorn Ready"

Although there’s still one more turn in the original “IF- Press Your Luck Plan”, my mind has already taken me to my next game. The original plan calls for one more IUI, with probable last minute play call to change to the meds from clo.mid to injectibles. But, as my therapist tells me I have a tendency to think ahead. And here is a glimpse into where my head is at right now.

The IUI season’s just about over and we’re in the semi-finals. We’ve decided to go ahead and secure our draft picks and are in current talks for trades. Our players are currently in IVF Spring Training. Here’s our roster, with four teams, support staff and sponsors.

The Teams:
The Ovaries - Team Captains’ “Lefty” & “Righty”
The Sperm aka “Spermicus”
The Doctor aka “Dr. Blue Eyes”
The Embryologist: “The Wizard of Oz”

Support Staff:
The Nurse Staff aka “The Smart Ones”
Birth Control “No Baby” Pills
Lupron aka “Loopy”
Menapur aka “Bipolar”
Gonal-F aka “Pokie”
HcG aka “Trigger”
Follistim aka “Dial-a-dose”
Progesterone aka “Hooha Pill”

Sponsors Include:
Employer w/ Great Benefits
Home State of Employer with mandated infertility coverage
Nationally recognized Insurance Company

The game of IVF is rather unusual. Most team sports only have one team play the opposition at any given time. This has four. In addition, the four teams actually bring the support staff to the playing field. One game is six weeks long. No matter how many games played, every game is always the championship round. Games can be easily cancelled or postponed due to over reactive support staff or a Team of Ovaries who need to call Jenny. The winner is determined by a combination of complicated point system and judges. The deliberation period to announce the winner is nine months long.

But similarly to most sports the characteristics of great players are the same. Endurance is a key element. Without this, an IVF player will most assuredly fail. Training is an absolute must. Most teams undergo years of training. The Ovaries team however is is known to squeeze in knowledge that would take “The Doctors” years to learn in just a few short months. Truly remarkable. The amount of self discipline and dedication of those who engage in the game of IVF, could easily be compared to medal winning Olympians sans the Bob Co.stas commentaries.

The last similarity is that both scenarios include Fans/Cheerleaders. (Or at least they should…) These cheerleaders are located at all parts of the globe and become an integral part of the game. They receive no compensation or even the ability to offer the game players whom they have come to love a hug. However, they stand by ready to offer their support and show this so willingly and freely you would be hard pressed to find an earthly equivalent.

So, you ready to get your game face on? Bring it!