Newsflash: Congratulations

Congratulations! You're having a girl!

Oh wait...that's not right...that's not my news. I'm an infertile. Silly me... here's my news -

Congratulations! You get a big fat ZIT!

And to top it off, I get mother f 'er cramps to go along with it. I went in for my CD2 baseline this morning. The nurse today said my "Lining was still very thick, so let's just do a bloodtest to check your hcg, because Clo.mid and pregnancy don't really go well together."

So, then my entire drive back, all morning through work, and most of lunch I had to deal with that on my mind. What if I was pregnant? Wouldn't the fact that I am at CD2 mean that surely it was a miscarraige? Oh, but remember the temperature drop Liv? Yeah but... Man these cramps hurt even after I took two Ad.vil...must be from that damn Clo.mid last cycle...wait why is my phone ringing? Oh, yeah I'm still at work.

After lunch I received the call from Dr. K who said, nope you're negative you get to carry on with the Clo.mid.

Later that day as I was leaving work to go pick up my Rx, I called Marvy to let him know. He asked if I was good with baby news. I said sure. He said that he knew what his sister is having and he even knew what name they were going with. He was so excited, my heart sank. She's having a girl. And the name? Both first and middle names just happen to be on my top 5 list of girl names, the order of favor constantly changes and that name was probably #1 most recently. Stunned silence. I couldn't even speak.

You know those five stages of grief? I am definitely at anger stage now. I don't even know where it came from. I wasn't angry two days ago? When I got home today I got on my bike and took off. What's next bargaining and then acceptance? Uh, is it possible to bargain away this anger for acceptance in exchange? Man, I don't think it works that way.