Holding Our Breath

Poor Marvy. He's really concerned now. He keeps asking me everytime I go to the bathroom if there are any "signs".

I've been waking up on my own before 6:30am to take my temperature, he'll arouse a bit when he hears the beep go off and ask me, "Is it still above the red line?"

Doesn't it just kill you that your spouse even knows what that means? Feels like your in a constant state of holding your breath.

As we left church today, he started to think about the whole gravity of it all. He really wants this now. And it shocks him. He said that all of a sudden he just felt all of the feelings of dread, anxiousness, and fear that I had been describing.

We're now rounding the last corner on this lap around the track and about to enter the point where we'll know for sure the outcome. Winners? Or losers? Who the heck wants to loose in this game?

On another note. I have a request for my friends in real life who have been so great to support me and who also read my blog. You all have been praying, you've requested other's to pray on my behalf, you check in on me. And I love you for it. My request is that you hold off on requesting "updates" at this time. I feel like this stupid infertility has robbed us of so many things. But, the one thing I refuse to give up is the ability to share with you our news in the way I have always imagined. This is something that I have been really stressing over, how to reconcile the two worlds. If you wish to continue reading these next two weeks...just don't tell me you are. :o) If you read something big here...please don't share until we have talked about it in person. I love you, you are a great friend, and I appreciate all that you do for me.

We're off to have our prayer time...Good night!