PPP Happens & I'll Be Bustin' Out Soon

I heart everyone's comments. Thank you so much.

If anyone has any more information on PPP leave a comment with the info. You are welcome to LFCA that. I just don't have all my wits about me to get to that point yet, so any shortcuts would be helpful. All I have is the diagnosis... I don't have anything else.

I have noticed however based on the group therapy I have received here that I must have been dealing with anxiety for a long time on my own. Aparently I suck at it.

But, know that through all of this what were two things that were always on my mind. How can I help someone else who may find themselves down this road and this will make for some facinating blog content. :o)

GREAT NEWS!!! Liv's new code name tomorrow will be Jailbird Mama. That's right. They are letting Crazy Liv out! Whoo!

I'm trying to post photos now... who know's what that will look like. Right now I'm not caring. [ Check it out folks! Therapy and medication work!!!] All the photos were from our Valentine's day. The PG pic of me was two hours after my water broke. You don't know it but, I'm wearing Depends under there. You are also looking at a sneak peak to the nursery. There's more to see but the big reveal is forthcoming. The paint job is something I'm pretty proud of. The border at the chair rail level was something I painted myself. Looks like wallpaper doesn't it?

Much more to follow...

Baby Max is Here, and Why I'm Not

Hello to my dear sweet bloggy people.

I owe a million follow ups, and I'm so sorry I haven't provided them. I will be in a better position to do this sometime soon.

Blogging became my therapy. However, at some point I kept putting it off and fixating on trying to make everything perfect for the baby. Unfortunately I didn't realize the cost. I want you guys to know that this will be returning soon. As hard as it is Marvy and I know how much good this does for me so even if we have to schedule the time, we will.

First of all a couple of things you guys need to know!

Baby Max was born on Valentine's Day at 1:19pm. What a Valentine's gift!!!! Appropriate since my birthday is New Year's and Marvy's is Mother's Day. We are a holiday kinda family.

He was 5 pounds 14 ounces and at his two week appointment today he is back to his birthweight and then some at 6 pounds 2 ounces. He is absolutely adorable and I'm starting to think he looks a lot like Marvy. Which makes me so happy.

I had an awesome, awesome birth experience. Thank goodness for my doula and Bradley experience otherwise I think it would have been far different.

Water broke at 4:30 am, contractions at 6:30am. I labored at home in the tub, on my hands and knees on the bed, on the birth balls, my doula showed up and we raced to the hospital at 10 am. By the time we showed up at 11:00am, I was completely dialated at 10. I went through transition in the car! It was awesome and I have a photo of what I looked like right after and it's beautiful.

James two week birthday was yesterday and unfortunately I wasn't there for it. Since Wednesday I have been admitted to the psychiatric ward of the hospital for treatment of post-pardum psychosis. [I'll let that sink in for a second. Yes, I know you are probably rereading that a couple times. It's pretty unbelieveable.] There is also what we believe as obsessive compulsive personality that we are now uncovering has been there all along. I realize the gravity of this and yet I want to joke about it. Or at least I give you guys permission to should it strike you... :o). Here's mine first. Why is this happening to me? Liv? The one who normally does everything so well? Because "My brain, is too sexy for PPD, too sexy for PPD so sexy it hurts... I'm a patient I know where I am and I do a little turn in the Psych Ward." :o)

I know I'm going to be okay. Things are going to be way better know. I may be able to get out tomorrow if not Wednesday but no later than Friday is what it seems. There are a ton of posts to write about over the course of the last two weeks but let me just share a couple great things.

I am able to see God in everything.
My prayer life is way better than it ever was.
The baby is safe, loved and cared for. He is doing very well. And the cutest thing ever!
Work Sucked - Now I qualify for Short Term Disability and that means I get more time at home with the baby. (I'm not taking advantage of anything - this really is a disability to my job)
My already awesome relationship with my Husband is even awesomer.
My family who I felt like wasn't in a position or priority to be by me has totally changed. They are the ones taking care of Max as we speak.
My sister in law who I was never in accord with I now feel is my "big sister". The magnets have flipped their polarization.
I understand my mother better and she understands me.
No one and I mean NO ONE can ever question my commitment to breastfeeding. The fact that I'm able to pump while in a psych ward proves that without question!
They call me a "model patient"... :o) which means I get rights to the Internet now. :o)

I'm afraid I don't have a whole lot of time. So I'm asking for all of you to throw me some tow lines. Please post your comments! They will be taken as hugs for someone who so desperately needs them. I will try to explain as much as I can when I can, but for now I just need some friends who I can share this with.

With all my love,
Liv

P.S. For those of you who read my blog and whom I refer to as my real peoples. It's okay that you know what is really going on. But, know that I'm keeping this under wraps for now. Please pray for me and my family - but no facebook updates please. If you are a real peoples, please provide support to Marvy. This has been really tough on him. He has been wearing himself out ragged. I love him so much.