I may not be an official card carrying infertile yet. But, I think I deserve at least a guest membership for now. Hey, the fact that I have an appointment with an RE tomorrow, shouldn’t that at least keep ya’ll from kicking me out of this lonely hearts club? I may put this blog on ice for a while before introducing it to the public until after I get my HSG. I had no qualms about the test based on my doctor’s description but after reading some of these IF blogs, it has me certainly thinking I’ll be sure to get that Infertile Pin as I leave that fertility clinic. One woman described pain worse than twin vaginal childbirth. Whoa.
Meanwhile, I’ll share a little more about my situation.
DH, M and I talked about marriage a month into our dating relationship and kids were a discussion that came very naturally to us quickly. Knowing that we wanted a family we purchased a 4 bedroom home and I for one, pretty much figured that pregnancy would come somewhat closely thereafter. That was eight years ago. As the months went by and no pregnancy I really tried to not get myself down. I married young by today’s working professional standards at 22, so I figured I had plenty of time.
Last year I read “Taking Charge of Your Fertility” cover to cover. Found it completely fascinating. I began to chart (obsessively), taking morning temps (obsessively), and I could have bought stock in OPK’s. I thought I was doing pretty good since I was now “in charge” and all but I noticed that my cycles were running very long. (Normally I’m a 30 day cycle-er…these were running over 45) And, part of me wondered if it was because of all this obsessing. Mand I went on vacation skiing in Breckenridge. I accidentally left my thermometer at home and then charting was outta site, outta mind for a good long while. At my next OB/GYN appt I told my dr that I wanted to start the process of family planning. I asked if I should pick up the practice of charting again and he asked if my luteal phases were long enough. Yes, they were always 12 days. And then he said that was all we’d need from that. Now, onto testing for me and him.
Goodie, that’s one HSG for me and one SA for him. Sounds like a plan. The office sent the orders off to the lab and things were looking good. Then my grandmother became very sick and passed away. I’ll save me feelings on grandmother for another post, but suffice it to say this was very difficult for me. By the time I was able to contact the lab to schedule the HSG on my next CD1 it had been 4 months and the orders expired. Dag nabbit.
M, knows I’m bad at making appointments and keeping up with these things so he was just waiting on the sidelines until “coach” called his number. He was using this inside information to his advantage because he really wanted another year with no kids. (Note to reader- He would have been thrilled if it happened…but if given the choice of kids now or kids next year, he would have taken next year in a heartbeat)
Well, then his sister called with news she’s expecting. Ugh! My heart broke in two! Not so much with anything against my SIL, but I was horribly riddled with resentment over the situation. (also another post) But, the good thing that came from it was M had a change of heart. He wanted kids. And badly. No more bribes, no more “one more year” prayers. He knew how hard it was for me to remember to call doctor’s offices and make appointments etc. He was taking over the operation and was going to be disappointed if that stick was not positive the next month. Wow, didn’t see that coming. But, seriously this was great.
One last thing I’ll mention is that my lovely, dearie friend Jo is also in a similar IF funk. The great thing is that we are really doing everything around the same time. And, now we are going to the same RE facility. I believe having each other to support these ups and downs is going to be such a blessing. Our prayer is that we both get pregnant in 2009. Bring on project “eggplant”.
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